Trusting God's Will

Since we've been back and even before we left really I've done a lot of questioning God. Why did I think this is what He wanted us to do ? Why did we sell everything? Am I just that stupid ? Why did I do this ? Just dealing with a lot of anger in general. Not understanding at all. Then the other day a friend said something that finally gave me peace. I was telling her how I was feeling like a failure and just really didn't understand God now. I feel some days like I am farther away from him than before all of this started. She she said God calls us to sell everything we own and give it to the poor and you did that. You proved to him that you were willing to do that and you accomplished everything you were called to do in just obeying him in that. It made me look at everything in a totally different way. Though i still have a lot of questions and am working on some things, I finally feel like I am on the road to "healing" from everything. I miss my kids so much, and I find myself throughout the day wondering what they are doing and figuring out what time it is there so I can think about what they might be doing now. Right now it's around 5 in the morning and they will be starting their day soon. Elias would be coming running up to me with the biggest smile and wanting me to pick him up and hug on him. Celine and Caren would be yelling Mommy and saying Good Morning !! (one of the few things in English they would say ) The 3 girls would also be crying about the fact that we put on a shirt or shoes they didn't want. The boys would be running around being loud and trying to escape from me putting on their shoes and jackets. I miss those moments, and I can't wait until Heaven where all of us can be together again !

A Little Update...

We have been home now for a little over 2 weeks. Trying to get settled in and back into a routine. Missing my babies a lot ! Everything makes me think of them ! But everything is falling into place so I know this is where God wants us for now, and doesn't rule out us going back in the future for whatever period of time that might be. Jerry got a position at a local church as a Youth/College Minister which is very excited about and he's also trying to start his own lawn care business so he can have winter months off so that would allow him/us to go back for a month or so to Kenya. I got a job at a doctor's office and started this past week. It went well and I'm looking forward to see what else God has planned in our story and getting to see my kids again. I will update when we have new information and I will try and get Jerry back to posting regularly !! :) Thanks again for all the prayers and support.

We are not called to be successful, but we are called to be faithful to God !

As some of you already know we are going to be leaving Kenya on Wednesday night. It is not what we want but like the quote for the title above we are trying to be faithful to GOD ! As we have been here these last 6 1/2 months we have made some amazing connections and relationships with people here in Kenya. Our hearts have grown more and more for these people and we want to minister to them any way we can. We have gotten to start a feeding program and Jerry has gotten to take part in a church plant and minister at many different churches here. Our board in the U.S. and we talked on Thursday and if we were to stay with them we wouldn't be able to deny our heart for outreach missions, and they need someone that can be with the children 24/7. This breaks my heart because I have come to love these children as my own, and for now I can't imagine life without them, but we feel this is God's leading and have to be obedient and trust in His leading and timing. We have plans to return in the future, we just don't know the timing or the purpose. So to make this post a little more light towards the end here are few things I'm going to miss and won't miss about our time here in Kenya ! We will continue to update you on our journey. Thanks for all of the prayers, encouragement, and support that has been given ! Please keep us in your prayers as we make this transition and try to understand God's will.

Things i'm going to miss:

1. Of course the kids ! For the first time in my life I finally got to experience what I have been jealous of my whole adult life. The look on kids faces when you come in from being gone and they have a huge smile on their face and coming running toward you like no one else is around. I have gotten to feel what it is like to be loved unconditionally by these kids, and learned so much from them !!

2. The hearts of the Kenyan people. They have been so welcoming. I'm going to miss all of the workers so much . Especially Naomy, she is around my age and I've built a special friendship with her. She told me today and it almost made me cry that she wanted my email and she would try and figure out how she could get an email account and use a computer so she could keep in touch. She is one of the sweetest people you will ever met. 3. They way the people here truly worship. They have no other distractions, and they can sit in a church service for 4 hours and still not get enough, while I am ansy and ready to go. It's taught me I need to work on that and I am selfish with my time.

Things I will not miss :

1. Smigel (sp?) the dog. He does not understand calm. I think it is his joy in life to terrorize the kids because they are petrified of him. He jumps on you, goes between your legs and trips you, etc.

2. Sweeping up rice and noodles off the floor. Do you know how hard that is when you have a tile floor with grout ?

3. Being stared at constantly because you are maybe the only white person someone has ever seen.

4. Having to track down a piki piki to go into town, and then sitting three to a motorcycle. Then fearing for your life the whole time you are on it because they drive so crazy !!

I will post more later , just wanted to give an update !! Thanks again for everything. We are truly blessed by everyone in our lives.

You Have to Change Yourself First

"A monk wrote more than 900 years ago, “When I was a young man, I wanted to change the world. I found it was difficult to change the world, so I tried to change my nation. When I found I couldn’t change the nation, I began to focus on my town. I couldn’t change the town and as an older man, I tried to change my family. Now, as an old man, I realize the only thing I can change is myself, and suddenly I realize that if long ago I had changed myself, I could have made an impact on my family. My family and I could have made an impact on our town. Their impact could have changed the nation, and I could indeed have changed the world.”

Don Soderquist

If you are anything like me I go around most days thinking "If we would just change his attitude or what he thinks about a certain idea than everything would be better.", "Or if this would just happen things I would finally be happy." But after reading this quote the other day I got cut to the heart. How can I expect my situations or people around me to change without making a change within myself. It's very selfish of me, and I will never know true happiness ! We have to start with ourselves, as Ghandi said "Be the change you want to see in the world." How can I influence others if they don't see Christ in me ? It all has to begin with us. We have to be someone, that others see you and want to be like Christ as well. To be honest, that is not me most of the time. Like the quote says above all of the times in life I've been in turmoil over what someone else has done, if I had just changed myself in the first place or my thoughts things would have a lot different outcomes. So, all together we have to start working on ourselves, and maybe it will reach our families, and then our towns, and then other nations, and together we can change the world ! Please pray for me as I embark on this, and I will be praying for you !!!

Enock

Today is Enock's birthday !!! His paperwork given to us by the government says he is only 1 and this was the birthday given to him. But we know he is older. It made me sad at first that these children don't know their real birthdays but then I got to thinking. When they get to Heaven, God is going to get to share everything with them they don't know about. Their name given to them specifically by God (Rev. 2:17) and all of this won't matter anymore. God will give them understanding about everything that happened. I can't wait for that either !!

Enock came to us the day after we arrived in Kenya, so he has been here for 6 months. He is the heaviest of the toddlers ! ha ! He loves his milk and food ! He has the best laugh. I love making him laugh. I love when he dances ! I tried getting a video the other night so I could post it but I think he knew I was filming ! He just started saying a few words like Mommy and Baba, and gari (car). He loves Barney when they sing If you are happy and you know it because he likes to shout Hooray !!! I love him so much, he brings so much joy to this house ! Happy Birthday Enock !!!

A little fact about Kenya

I know in America we go crazy over our birthday's and others but here in Kenya they are barely celebrated. Let me give an example. Today I went downstairs to talk to Maryann, she is the Kenyan house parent. I told her I needed cocoa to make Enock a birthday cake because his birthday was Saturday and could I get some at the little stand down the road. She said yes and she said oh Virgina, her daughter, has a birthday soon too. I asked when it was and she said today is the 27th right? And I told her it was the 28th. She said Oh!! Today is Virgina's birthday and we all started laughing. This was at 2 p.m. in the afternoon. So we told her happy birthday and we told her we would include her int he birthday party. It didn't phase her one bit, in America I know many little ones her age who would have thrown a fit. Back in November it was Peter's birthday. We found out about it and we made a cake and ice cream and threw him a surprise birthday party. He turned 34 and when he came in he started trying to serve to everyone else and we told him to sit down it was his birthday and it was his turned to be served. He said in all of his life that was the first birthday party he ever had or ever really celebrated his birthday.

Just thought I would share a random fact of some differences we have experienced here in Kenya. I'm excited to get to have a birthday party for Virginia, she turned 7 today. And I hope she will always remember it.

I must become less

"He must become greater. I must become less." John 3:30

This verse has been on my mind lately. A friend of mine who awakened this desire in my heart to do world missions often quoted this verse. And as I'm sitting here in Kenya tonight I'm reminded that this can't be about me, that I have to become less and totally entrust myself to what God is doing. No matter how scary that is. I read a book a while back called It’s Not About Me. Most of my days are filled with "me" thoughts and I was reminded that it can't be about me. I go thru so many of my days with thoughts of how will this affect me, I want to be comfortable, I want this or that. But it's not about me. God has called me here for a reason, and though I may not be comfortable and most days would rather be home with my family, He has called me here for a reason. To love on kids that the world has abandoned and let them know how much their father loves them, and I have to remember that my time is not my own anymore. I have to get rid of my selfish desires to have everything my way, and let God become more and more. While I become less and less. It's not easy.While I fail God most days I know that He is doing something in me even when I can't see or feel Him.